Leaving Love
by BelovedOne
Summary: What will happen to Kathryn Janeway when her beloved Chakotay leaves the ship? And is he gone for good? J/C, P/T ***CHAPTER 3 POSTED***
1. Gone

**LEAVING LOVE**

**Chapter 1**

Chakotay stepped up onto the transporter pad, his bag slung over his shoulder. Kathryn met his eyes for only a moment before giving the order.

"Initiate transport." She held her voice steady, keeping her emotions at bay. She didn't look at him as the blue beam engulfed him, but as the last traces of him disappeared, she whispered, "I love you, Chakotay."

"I beg your pardon, Captain?" Tuvok's flat voice broke into her thoughts, scattering them. She looked up.

"What?" she asked sharply.

"You said something, did you not?" She gazed at the stoic Vulcan for a moment.

"No—no, Tuvok. I'm going to my quarters now. I'll see you at 0700 hours." She turned and fled the room, walking as fast as she could down the long corridors of Voyager. She reached her door, punching in the security code and streaking across the main room into the bedroom. Throwing herself onto the bed, she cried, huge sobs racking her tiny frame. She remembered exactly one month ago, when Chakotay had proposed to her after six months of quiet courtship. There had been a fierce battle of wills deep down inside her, but in the end, her head won out over her heart, and she'd refused, saying she didn't love him anymore. His pained face had haunted her ever since. Each day, the hurt in his eyes had grown, and each day, her heart had broken a little more at the sight. And now, he'd left, never to know that she'd been lying, that she was hurting, that her heart was breaking, that she loved him with every fiber of her being…that if she were to marry him, it would mean certain death for him. Her father; Justin Tighe, her first fiancé; Mark Johnson, her second fiancé. Kathryn did not want Chakotay added to the list of casualties. Were he to be, were he to die, she could not live with herself, knowing that she had caused his death only by loving him. She cried herself to sleep, her face buried in her pillow to muffle the sound.

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The next day, at 0700 hours, the Alpha shift reported to the bridge, their captain in the lead. She immediately retired to her ready room, turning the bridge over to Tuvok. She remained there until the shift ended.

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	2. Suffering

**LEAVING LOVE**

**Chapter 2**

Kathryn stepped onto the turbolift, oblivious to the reactions of her officers and friends. In the last three weeks, she had suffered visibly. Her face was pale and drawn, and her hands were skeletal, her uniform hanging loosely on her wizened frame. Then, there were her eyes. Once bright and full of life, they were now dark, empty…dead. It was as if the Kathryn Janeway they had all known was gone. She hadn't been seen in the mess hall for weeks now, and discreet scans indicated that the replicators in both her quarters and her ready room had been used only to synthesize massive quantities of coffee, as well as a few bowls of soup, which had been put back into the recycler nearly full each time. By the end of the month, the senior staff estimated that she had lost at least twenty pounds, and she hadn't shown up for her annual physical in sickbay. She entered the bridge, and suddenly stumbled. Tuvok, who was looking over the shoulder of the officer at the tactical workstation, reached out and caught her upper arm. He did not let go for a long moment. His eyebrow rose slightly as he realized that he could very nearly wrap his hand around her arm.

She shrugged out of his grasp. "Thank you, Tuvok." She turned, entering her ready room without another word. A moment later, they heard a muffled thump, as if something heavy had fallen. Tuvok ordered everyone to remain at their posts as he hurried to the ready room. The door slid open at his approach to reveal the captain, lying prone on the floor beside her desk, her face pale and her lips blue. Tuvok tapped his combadge.

"Tuvok to sickbay. Medical emergency." The familiar blue beam of the transporter engulfed them both, and they appeared in sickbay. The Doctor was at their side instantly, helping Tuvok lift Kathryn up onto a biobed. The Doctor looked over at the Vulcan questioningly, his expression grim.

"What happened?" He began scanning her, letting the tricorder's wand slowly down the length of her body.

"I do not know, Doctor. Is she…all right?" The Vulcan seemed to be agitated, almost worried.

"She's certainly not in perfect health, but she's not dying. She is, however, suffering from exhaustion, malnutrition…" He trailed off as he moved the wand over her abdomen. "…and pregnancy," he finished cheerfully, snapping the tricorder shut. The Vulcan's eyebrow rose slightly, but he said nothing. The Doctor pressed a hypospray to her neck gently, and her eyes flew open. She sat up and looked around.

"Wha-what happened? Why am I here?" She looked from the Doctor to Tuvok, then back again. Vulcan and hologram exchanged glances.

"Captain, it appears that you, well…" He trailed off for a moment, and she aimed a glare at him that would have vaporized any lesser person, but the hologram, unaffected, continued slowly. "You fainted."

"I did _what?!"_ She looked, unbelieving form friend to physician.

"Just like I said, you fainted," came the brisk answer. "You lost consciousness for several minutes You were—are—suffering from malnutrition, exhaustion, and over consumption in the _extreme_ of caffeine." His disapproving frown faltered as he thought of the news he was about to deliver. Kathryn gave him a dirty look as he continued. "And there's one more thing…" She stared at him, trying to hide her curiosity at whatever it was that could make a hologram fidget. The Doctor took a deep holographic breath. His eyes met hers. "Congratulations, Mommy, there's a baby on board."

For the second time that day, Kathryn Janeway fainted.

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	3. Three Are Better Than One

**_LEAVING LOVE_**

_Chapter 3_

When she awoke sometime later, sickbay was darkened and quiet. Remembering what the Doctor had said, she touched her stomach with a shaking hand. _Pregnant?_ A lone tear slid down her cheek. As she reached up to brush it away, she felt her sunken cheek, the bone protruding sharply, and she realized with a start what she may have done to her baby during the past few weeks.

Stricken, she clamped a hand over her mouth to stifle a horrified moan. She struggled to stand, and, on shaky legs, made her way to the replicator. Once there, she ordered a bowl of soup and a glass of milk. The Doctor walked in just as she sat back down on the biobed.

"Captain?" he said softly. When she looked up at him, her eyes were bright with unshed tears. He sat beside her, taking one of her hands into both of his own, and both were quiet for a long time.

"I didn't know," she said finally, her voice soft as she played with her soup spoon. She lifted the utensil to her lips, sipping at the warm liquid cautiously.

"Captain, there's something you should know…" She looked over at him, her eyes wide.

"Is—is it about my baby?"

"Well, yes. You see, you _are_ pregnant—about eight weeks along, at my calculations—and the babies are relatively healthy, considering…"

"Babies?" she said. "As in, more than one?"

"As in, more than _two_."

"Three?" He nodded. She took a deep breath, processing this new information, and then he saw it—the first spark of life to touch her eyes since Chakotay had left.

She chuckled softly. "I would ask whether it's a boy or a girl, but that doesn't seem to apply here, does it?"

"You're having three girls." A small smile tugged at her lips.

She lowered her eyes for a moment before asking, "Could I see them?"

He nodded. "Of course." Moving to a workstation, he entered several commands.

A moment later, three small figures shimmered into view. "This is an approximation of what they will look like at about ten months of age."

Kathryn stared. They were obviously not identical, although they shared some characteristics.

The one on the left had thick tufts of red hair and bright blue eyes. She was the smallest of the three. The middle child had ebony hair and deep brown eyes, and was by far the biggest. The third baby also had black hair, but, like her smaller sibling, she had blue eyes. She was not nearly as petite as the first, nor as sturdy as the second; instead, she rested comfortably somewhere in between.

"You may want to start thinking of names," the Doctor suggested.

"Taya," she said suddenly. The Doctor sent her a questioning glance. "It's the feminine version of 'Chakotay'," she informed him. She gazed at the middle infant intently. "She looks just like him. Her name will be Taya." She laid a hand on one of the Doctor's. "Doctor, we need tell the crew." She sighed. "I'll organize a meeting. We'll start with the senior staff."

"And Chakotay?" the Doctor asked gently.

Kathryn took a deep breath, letting it out slowly.

"He'll be getting a _very_ unexpected letter soon."

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End file.
